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Senator Daines Thinks Women Lay Eggs

Today, the Senate took time to make important arguments about bodily autonomy. Specifically, if people with uteruses should be allowed to control said uteruses. It seems like the answer here should be simple. Of course people should be allowed to control their own uteruses. But, that’s actually not what the Senate decided.

A central figure in this argument is Montana’s own Senator Steve Daines. Adding to the practice of comparing human women to the animal kingdom, Daines highlighted his particular brand of idiocy by comparing women to…wait for it… sea turtle and eagles.
According to Daines, human babies are totally comparable to the eggs laid by sea turtles and eagles. You may be thinking, “Odd. I don’t recall my mother ever laying any eggs.” We at WTF understand your confusion. So, we’ve created a quick guide to help you determine if you’re a sea turtle or an eagle.

Please answer honestly.

1. Did you emerge from the sea?
2. Have you dug a nest using all four flippers?
3. Have you ever laid 100 eggs in one sitting?
4. Did you flee to the ocean after your babies hatched?

If you answered “Yes” to 2 or more of these questions, you may be a SEA TURTLE.
No flippers? Don’t worry. Just answer these next questions to find out more.

1. Do you have the urge to gather sticks, twigs, and moss?
2. Are you perched hundreds of feet up in a tree?
3. Do you catch small prey in your claws?
4. Is your wingspan between 6 – 7.5 feet?
5. Do you have feathers?
If any of this checklist rings true, you’ll want to consult your doctor or wildlife veterinarian right away. You may, in fact, be an EAGLE.

Is there a third option? Something whose taxonomy is a little less avian? Perhaps, but honestly you’d likely get more respect from our government if you stuck with being an eagle.